Procrastination

Is it just that we don't want to do it or is it something else?

Are we, as a society, addicted to structure?

In my experience as a coach and a therapist I have found two reasons why people procrastinate, and it isn't because they are lazy. In fact, it is the complete opposite. Individuals who procrastinate tend to do it for one of two reasons...or both.

1. They get overwhelmed easily by all of their thoughts and ideas, so they put it off because they don't know where to start. They need the "perfect" starting point, a plan, or a type of structure that leads to guaranteed success.

Art with Lauren - Artist.com

2. The task seems daunting whether they have done it before or not ever and when they think about taking a step it is scary, so they run back to what feels comfortable or normal which is, either doing nothing at all or the way they have been doing it that feels good. Sometimes they will run in a completely different direction or run to a distraction like work, video games, or phone time.

Left brained people who have creative ideas don't always know how to tap into that creativity and just start. Right brained people can tap into the creativity but have trouble creating a plan and get nervous about execution.

It's okay to scare yourself

The magic never happens in the comfort zone!

Something you need to hear and should know... It's okay to feel afraid and to not know where or how to start. It's okay to know that you need or want to change something but not know how to change it.

Fear is a great indicator that something needs to change. Learn to know that feeling and identify when it shows up. Fear can be paralyzing and can cause you to become dissatisfied with life or worse, can get you caught in a loop.

Once you have identified the task you are avoiding, it will be easy to measure your feelings surrounding why you have not taken the steps necessary to complete the task. Now you can identify exactly what you are afraid of or why you have been avoiding the task. Here is where the magic happens (the learning zone) because if you can get out of your own head long enough or push your self-defeating thoughts and feelings aside for an amount of time to take a step, any step, you will have overcome the comfort zone and catapulted yourself into the growth zone.

A better perspective

So, you're not lazy! You are creative, thoughtful, innovative, driven, motivated, etc.

You suffer from comfort paralysis and may need a boost from an outside perspective, self-introspection, or detachment from your current situation. This allows for clarity, understanding of value and importance of task, vision and purpose, desired outcomes, and processes.

This is where a coach can be useful. As a coach, we help you identify areas where you may be experiencing comfort paralysis, break open the feelings associated with wanting to take steps into a new challenge or goal, and ultimately guide you across those turbulent waters of fear and doubt to the calm waters of learning and growing.

If you think you could benefit from this type of guidance, let me know. Set up a free discovery call or leave me a comment. Your future is ultimately up to you! Let me help you accomplish what you never thought possible.

The 21st Century Man

In my 42 years on this earth, I have seen and heard so much, but the one thing that saddens me the most is the deterioration and out right attack of masculinity on our men over the years. Insecurity in men is at an all-time high.

It Needs to be Said

Being a man in the 21st century comes with a price and if not well equipped for the constant battle the consequences can be dire. If not grounded to something higher, then, whatever societal wind blows you can count on being tossed around like a rag doll. In this blog, I will point out some things you can do if you find yourself in a position of feeling like you just can't and don't want to do anything anymore, if you feel like nothing you do or say is good enough, if you feel like no one sees you or hears you, if you feel like you cannot look yourself in the mirror for fear of who you will see, and most importantly, if you are bitter and angry and do not understand why. As much as I want to get into the depths of why you may feel this way, I believe that when you start to discover yourself and put in work you will start to figure out why and where these feelings may be coming from, and you will want to work on moving past it and away from it. Every story is unique just like you, which means your discovery and journey will not be like someone else's.

This is where you go get your journal

Where to start? If you have any of the feelings described above and you have identified that when you read it, congratulations, you just started! Your next step is to acknowledge where you are right now in life by asking yourself a few questions.

• Do I like where I am?

• Do I have peace?

• Did I end up where I thought I would be at this point in my life?

• What exactly does my day consist of? Am I happy with my days?

• What are my thoughts surrounding my place in life at the moment?

• What are my feelings around where my life is right now?

While we are inclined to consider everyone else around us first, for this exercise, you must focus on you and your needs. This involves full transparency and vulnerability when answering the above questions. Remember, no one has to know your answers, but you and it is okay to tell yourself the truth. This is called discovery and if you want to change anything you must first discover what you want to change.

Rooted

Most people have goals or aspirations and end up exactly where they wanted to land, but some people never make it. Those who never make it only focus on the end and never root the habits needed to grow the actions into meeting the desired goal. In turn, they watch their dream drift farther and farther from them while feeling helpless. Franklin Covey has a model called the "see, do, get" model which points out the importance of all three phases. You cannot have one without the other. With that being said, you need a road map and a way to keep discovering yourself and ultimately you need to keep up the quest for absolute fullness as a man. The quests look different for every man as does the fullness piece, but the steps to get there should be the same..... the steps are anything that promotes higher thoughts and processes than you had yesterday and today. This is the "do" part of that model.

You must ask yourself,

• What am I willing to do to keep my inner self feeling fulfilled and at peace?

• What types of quests will I set up for myself to reach new heights?

• What is the definition of quest to me, how would I personally define it for myself?

Once you reach this point and feel good about your answers it's time to go look in the mirror and face the man standing there. Write down all of the words, phrases, thoughts, ideas, feelings, and whatever else comes to mind. This is a raw polarizing experience, and it is okay to have whatever reaction you have. Because this is where you start to take back control. At this time you can start to examine the stories you are telling yourself and where they might be coming from. This is a good place to start trying to figure out why you may be telling yourself the things you do and decipher what is false and what may not be your cross to bare and start to change those beliefs (if you discover deep rooted pains you may need counseling which is different from coaching and you may need to seek professional help from a counselor). It is only when we know who we are then we can start to move in the direction of who we want to be.

This is About You

Notice how I am using the word "you" a lot? There is a reason. You are the only one who can control you and your actions, behaviors, and words. You will ultimately be the one who changes the course of your life and meets the desired outcomes in life. In this moment you get to choose to be the victim or the victor.

Next steps are for you to seek out the things that bring higher thought and behavior. For some, it is reading, and for others it is through joining programs to learn how to change habits. Here are a few books you can start with

• No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A. Glover

• The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi

• The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

• The Way of Men by Jack Donovan

• Iron John by Robert Bly

• The Art of War by Sun Tzu

• Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

• The Bible (the first 12 Books to get a better understanding of who God is)

If you have made it this far, you have done the hardest part and what happens from here on out is the satisfying part. You get to define what being a man in the 21st century and beyond looks like for you thus passing that on from generation to generation

If you would like to take this further and sign up for a discovery call or a personal session with me, please hit the "book online" tab and request a time and day.